Facing Fear and Achieving A Dream

One year ago – October 2016 – I decided I wanted to achieve a dream of mine…

I wanted to run a half marathon.


I don’t know when I fell in love with running- but I can remember falling in love with fitness around the age of 18, and running just became a part of that.

Normally, that was only a 1 mile run on the treadmill before a workout in the gym. I preferred running over the elliptical because it just felt more ‘free’ to my body.

However, I never did more that 1 mile for awhile… for years actually… until I got a bit older and began outdoor running. I fell in love with outdoor running and started doing 2-3 miles.

Me and Kutta stretching together (several years ago) after I had completed my morning 2 mile run.


I remember there were times I would verbally say “I wish I was a runner- but I just don’t have the body type for it.” I believed I was too ‘curvy’ to run long distances, which I know now is a lie. I just had to train my body- like all things in life that we do – we train, we grow, we achieve.

As I grew in my outdoor runs, I remember at the age of 23-25 being able to run 3 miles, then 3.5- and then finally I got to 4 miles. I was so proud of these runs! They were a huge milestone for me, and became a way for me to de-stress or have some alone time when I lived with roommates.

One year for Christmas, all I wanted was a treadmill- which I got and put in my garage with a huge fan (bc Charleston is sometimes just too hot for me to run in without getting a massive headache). I would set up my laptop in front of the treadmill and watch a 45 minute tv show as I ran… I saw my running time improve so much over those months.

There were periods of my life where I just lacked the time to run- or just wanted to change up my workouts. But I always came back to running. It was what I enjoyed most.

My only problem with running was my knees. When I did more than 3 miles, my knees would kill me the rest of the day- and sometimes I felt like I could barely walk up the stairs. However- I have changed my diet drastically the last few years.

I found my body reacts to gluten, corn, and dairy. Gluten is a big no-go for me, because the reaction is so severe but corn and diary definitely make it hard on my body after I eat them. I didn’t know this back then because they were a constant part of my diet, and I think I lived in a constant state of inflammation in my joints and body- getting sick often and aching all the time. But I just thought it was genetics. However, after altering my diet, I found a lot of healing for my body in those areas.


Last October I decided I wanted to run a half marathon. Simply because it was one of those things I thought I could never do- and I suddenly believed in myself. So I started training.
The funny thing was, I had no half marathon to train for!

So I made a training plan and wanted to run a half marathon on Thanksgiving Day… by myself.

Well… I trained, and found it really intense on my body. I couldn’t follow the training plan exactly- but I did learn how to listen to my body through it. I went through injury and recovery, along with finding what foods fueled my running and what foods hindered it.  I also suffer with scoliosis – so I learned how to take care of my back after a run by always stretching and doing yoga. I also learned the importance of rest, and how much a busy and active life takes it out on my body. Stress also interfered a lot.


I learned a lot in those months last year- and it lasted from October-January, where I got up to 11 mile runs… but I couldn’t keep up with the time it took to do these long runs, and with no real half marathon to run- I decided to go back to my shorter weekly runs of 3-6 miles. I also started having a few health issues, and I thought it could be due to running too much.

However, as 2017 went on, I found my health issues were not due to running. I had a friend message me, and I don’t know what she said exactly, but it encouraged me to start running and training again- and believing in that dream.
I found a half marathon in October this year, and decided I would start training. If I felt I could get to 10 miles before the date, I would do it.

When I was at 8 mile runs, I signed up… all of a sudden it became real.

With 4 weeks to go before the race, I began to get nervous. Thoughts ran through my mind “What if I can’t do it?”

My right knee suddenly began to hurt after runs, and even give out. I got sick for a bit, but recovered quite fast, however my knee would continue to give out. I looked up supplements and started taking fish oil, glucosamine, eating lots of avocados, and upping my protein with more fish and adding hemp protein powder to my diet. I did find this helped dramatically, along with not wearing heels throughout the week. My knee soon got better- but now the race was just around the corner.

I was able to do 2 ten mile runs before the race; and my last 10 miler was less that two weeks before. It was suppose to be an 11 miler, but I just couldn’t run anymore after 10.4 miles. Because of this I began to get even more nervous about the race- feeling like I just couldn’t do it.

I am so fortunate to have had two girls running the race with me- we didn’t train together, but we encouraged each other a lot. They were always telling me I could do it, and with them fully believing in me, it helped me conquer my doubt.

The week of the race, I could feel the fear rising up in me. I chose not to dwell on the negative ‘what-if’s’ and just knew I would go out there and do my best. I created a new run playlist and watched my diet that week- no alcohol, lots of protein, good fats, and good carbs- no processed food and especially no gluten, corn or dairy (not that everyone should avoid those food- they just don’t do so well for my body). But to be honest, I was terrified inside.

The days before, I had some unexpected changes to my schedule and became very busy and tired- and I was talking to a friend, expressing how I felt so many things were coming against me in this dream of mine- (my knees giving out, my change in schedule, tiredness and just being a bit afraid)… when my friend then replied “Just don’t do it- you don’t have to you know…” and something inside me just laughed as I responded “No- I do have to! This is my fear that I must conquer- because fulfilling this dream will be worth it!” And it’s as if my response to my friend was actually my spirit rising up inside of me, speaking truth and giving me that final push of – You got this. Go for it.

The morning of the race, I was actually excited- knowing that there was no turning back.


Like so many times in the past-
I chose bravery over fear, because I could feel the calling within my Spirit to be Free. I don’t want fear to set the limits of my own life. I want to live limitless, because that’s what I believe God created us to be.

I caught the tram with my running girls, and we headed to the race. There was a glorious sky just seconds before the race started- reminding me that this was a new day. A day to achieve dreams.

The race was hard. I’m not going to lie. It was fun at the start, but after about three miles in- I could feel it in my body. My stomach started to cramp and it was unusually hot for England. I began getting a headache and was constantly pouring water over my head to cool myself.

Then there was that glorious sight of the finish line- and just before I reached it, I spotted my love there- cheering me on with his camera. In that moment, I felt like a million dollars. I was so happy.

I’m not the fastest- but I’m faster than SpiderMan!

I crossed the finish line, and slowed to a walk- suddenly realizing- I could barely walk! My legs felt stiff and like Jelly at the same time. But as I looked around I saw all the runners walking in this same funny way- so I knew I was okay.

After I was out of the way I collapsed on the pavement to catch my breath and wrap up with the space blanket they gave me in my winner bag.

I was so happy with my run time as well! I thought I would be a lot slower.

After a brief rest I met up with Shanen and my team, and we headed home. I was on a nice high, even though my body felt like it would crash at any second (which is kinda what I did when I arrived home). But nothing could take away from that feeling of achieving something in my life that was once impossible.


Finding Home

Home – the place one lives permanently as a member of a family.

The past few months I’ve been extremely homesick. There- I said it. I am not one to focus on the negative things going on in life, but this homesickness has been so intense, it felt like a battle everyday.

At first I didn’t share too much of this, as people asked “How are you?” (Or in British words “You Alright?”) and I would respond with “Yes, I’m great, how are you?” -because honestly, I am great. I have so much to be thankful for, and live a very blessed life… but even our lives full of blessings come with struggle and pain. Without struggle and pain- we don’t have the chance to experience breakthrough.

July 18th 2016 – The day we officially moved into our new home

When we first moved into this little flat over a year ago, we bought two mugs (one for me, and one for Shanen)… and every morning for the last year I’ve had my coffee from this mug. I knew when I bought it, that my home was here with my husband. I was in my newlywed state of bliss when I got this mug, and we started to make this little flat our home… but as this last season has been rough in feeling a deep homesickness, this little mug would encourage me with the truth I saw in it that day I bought it.


This homesickness went on for months. I love social media for it’s ability to keep me up to date on what’s going on in my friend’s and families lives. But there is a side to it that is very hard for me, and was almost feeding my homesickness. On warm sunny days, people posting pictures of my beloved Folly Beach, or Forth of July BBQ’s with friends… even when they would complain about the heat (as I always did when I lived in South Carolina) – I would still want to be there, because this is the first year of my entire life that I have not been in weather over 90 degrees- I was really craving that sunshine on my skin. But most of all, I was really missing my family. Some days I was looking up weekend flights to America just to hug my mamas, see my brothers, and fly back to England.

I started noticing things in my life that was triggering this homesickness, and as I finished my summer this year I purposefully stopped doing these things, or watching those American tv shows- but at the same time I also let the American within me rise up, and fully realized how much it is part of who I am; I am going to embrace it; I am going to love this part of me, and be proud to be an American. I may not agree with a lot of my countries decisions, but my roots are from that beautiful land, and it will always be a home to me.

One of my happy places – Folly Beach, SC

The last month as the seasons turned to fall, I’ve become much happier. I LOVE England in the Fall! It is so beautiful, and the weather is what I always dreamed of autumn weather to be as a child in those hot South Carolina summers. But I learned in this last season not to let my external circumstances (like missing a proper summer with beaches and sunshine, or the beautiful colors of Autumn) effect my internal emotions and feelings. It is true, they do play a big part- but instead of dwelling in it, I had to be the one to rise up and learn from it.

One night recently I took Kutta outside for his late evening potty, and looked up to see the stars were out (this is quite rare here). I was so happy to see them I ran back up the stairs and into our flat to quickly grab my yoga mat, and took it out in the back garden to lay beneath them. In that moment I just let myself cry- feeling the tears running off either side of my face as I looked up a familiar sky. Having many nights in my life laying beneath these same beautiful stars; every constellation still there- still shining down on us, bringing beauty to the night.
God met me in that moment, with His beautiful peace and comfort as He spoke into my heart. For me, home is bigger than where I grew up. Home is more than America; and more than England.

Home is Earth.

This big beautiful world is home- and wherever I go I will experience homesickness. If I go to America, I will surly miss life in England (I usually get homesick for our flat in England after 2 weeks in America).. And there have been several times in my life I’ve been homesick for India (those who know me, know my love for this country, and even though I’ve only been there for a total of 8 months- It has become another home to my heart).

I can’t help but to wonder how many more homes I will have in the days to come.

I’ve learned it’s okay to be homesick… and most importantly, God will meet us where-ever we are, and what ever season we are in. This week, He surprised me with something beautiful, that truly “Blessed my heart” as we say in the south…

A saw with my own eyes- a Palmetto tree in England.

My first reaction, was to hug it. Of course it was growing in a greenhouse, but when I turned around and saw it there, my heart was filled with so much joy- and hugging that tree felt like reaching out and touching a part of South Carolina.
*For those who don’t know, Palmetto trees grow everywhere in Charleston, and they are South Carolina’s state tree. It’s even on our flag…


So all this to say, I am truly happy to be right where I am. Here in England- for where there is rain, there are always rainbows. I don’t believe the ‘grass is greener on the other side’ (as the saying goes) because I know life here is amazing in so many  ways, and it fits me and Shanen very well. I know one day, our American season will come- along with many other seasons, but I don’t want to rush the season I am in…

I want to enjoy it- and grow my roots here even deeper.

I have the whole world to explore and my whole life ahead of me. I am truly thankful for this season that has taught me how to find the truth in homesickness, and to be okay with experiencing it.

where there is rain, look for rainbows


This morning I woke up to sunshine, and out my kitchen window was a beautiful rainbow. The sign of God’s promise. I remember in 2014 when God first told me I would move to the UK, and at that time, there was no possible way…
Yet here I am. Looking out my kitchen window, remembering how excited my heart was at the possibility of one day living in England.

I am home.

The End of the Road – The Door of Freedom

I was reading some past blog posts from several years ago. I was looking for some old poems I had written, not knowing if I ever shared them on a blog or not. I went back to a post from 2010 that caught my eye… It’s title: End of the Road.

I remember the day I wrote that post.. the very morning of taking my entire life- knowing one meeting would decide my fate as I handed everything over to God.

I had just been through some very traumatic events- a lot that had happened to me, and a lot that I had done to myself. If there was ever a time of my life where I felt at ‘rock bottom’… this was that time.

I remember hearing the Spirit of God speaking to my heart and saying over and over again- Trust Me.

Back then, I didn’t know anything about visions from God, or what a prophetic gift was. I didn’t know we could hear from God in those ways. Now, it’s become such a part of me, it’s how I flow through life in every day.

I loved reading this post, because I see where even though I didn’t know about visions or how God speaks to us through pictures in our minds- He was still there speaking to me in this way; I just didn’t recognize it was him.

The date of the post was June 2010:

Screen Shot 2017-09-27 at 09.23.23Screen Shot 2017-09-27 at 09.23.58

I love seeing how much a relationship with God can grow us; heal us, and set us free.
I can read this and see a girl who’s heart loved God- I was ready to surrender my whole future to Him because I knew that I wasn’t the one who knew what was best for myself.

I remember that moment- knowing that it looked as if I would have to take that scary path. And I remember the end of that day- the moment I realized that my new beginning would be down the open path, full of light. I knew God was the only one responsible for making that happen.

It truly was a new beginning for me. A beginning that lead even deeper into the spiritual things of God- a relationship between me and my creator that is deeper than any relationship I have on this earth.

What drew my eyes to this post most was the photo of the gate. I choose that photo out of a picture I took in 2008, on a walk through downtown Charleston. The gate and garden spoke so much to me.
And now, this year as my Back to Eden Yoga truly started to grow, I started it with that same picture on Back to Eden’s Facebook page- the same photo of the gate. Back then I had no idea what life would look like for me 7 years later… but I can say it’s better than I could have ever imagined. I have learned that there really is no impossibility when it comes to doing life with the Spirit of God.

And my whole reason for posting this, isn’t just to reflect on that goodness- but to encourage anyone who feels in this same situation- like they are at a dead end in life- realizing they cannot try to control their path on their own any longer- but to let go and trust in your creator, that He will set your paths straight, even when it looks impossible, or makes no sense to the human mind. (Proverbs 3:5)


Two weeks ago, I was slowly waking up around my usual 7am, and was gently coming out of a dream. In the dream I was painting a picture of a girl, eyes closed, head to the sky, arms wide open and behind her as her wild hair flowed about her, turning into mountains behind her.

I usually don’t have an idea of exactly what I want to paint when I begin a new piece- I usually just start painting. But this one I had a general idea- although as I started to paint, as always, the creation took it’s own form.

The first few days of painting, resulted in this (photo above).
I loved the color and movement, and as I painting I could feel the breath of her lungs, connecting to the air around her. The dove represents that spirit of peace that she finds through that connection.

The mountains and night sky behind her, incorporated into her hair, shows her oneness with the earth in which she was created from. (Genesis 1:24 ; Genesis 2:7)

This was just a stopping point for the week, and I knew it was no where near finished.

I came back to it a week or so later and it slowly took a whole new form, even though the meaning was still there.
As I blended the dove into the painting, I did this knowing I didn’t want the dove to be obviously seen (although I knew it was still there, hidden within)- just as the Spirit is in our own lives- there, yet unseen.

I felt a pain in this painting, but a real peace that she holds throughout it. Closing her eyes through a storm, as if not to be distracted by the circumstances around her, but simply finding that peace of the Spirit within- again, knowing He is there in the unseen.

I also felt this pain was the pain of birth- a spiritual birth that she was going through.
God has been speaking this to me a lot recently- the pain of childbirth and how in life, as we step into these new seasons, we experience a difficult time as we go through the process of ‘birthing’ something new.

So here is this woman- her name is Ruah. I knew this would be her name from the beginning. She walks by faith- being blind by choice as she closes her eyes to the storm of impossibilities around her- moving forward from the peace that guides her from within.
Knowing this pain of spiritual birth is actually just the promise of the miracle to come.

Ruah is the Hebrew word for ‘breath’ and ‘spirit’.
It is the word used in Genesis (the story of creation) for the Spirit of God.


This is my own meaning from this painting, and what I felt creating it.
However, I know (after hearing so many amazing interpretations from posting it online), it speaks so much to several different people. This makes my heart so happy.
I hope when you look at this peace, the Spirit speaks it’s own special meaning to you, as you go through whatever season you are facing in life.
May it bless you with peace, knowing that Ruah is within you, and with you.


Scotland- The Cobbler

This past weekend, Shanen and I rented a car and drove up to Scotland for two nights to celebrate our one year anniversary!
Before I write about it, I just need to share this pic of KuttaBear when I told him he was coming with us.
He is so photogenic. 🙂

So Saturday morning, we packed up the car and hit the road!

Family Vacation!

We drove nearly 6 hours to our little airbnb trailer on one of the lochs, arriving just before sunset so we were able to take in this gorgeous view!


After enjoying the view, we took Kutta on a little walk.
on the route we found a beautiful forest, and I couldn’t help myself- I had to go explore!

The entrance into the forest

It was quite muddy, and I completely ruined my slip-on fabric shoes.
I ended up sliding in the mud, and ripping both of them
(they already had big holes in them- they were well loved).

But, it was worth it because within the forest I found a really cool old abandoned house!

I was kinda creeped out, so I waited for Shanen to catch up
before I was brave enough to go in.

Inside it was quite dark- but it would have made an awesome clubhouse!

We spent the evening enjoying leftover curry that we brought (that I had cooked the night before) and watching one of the DVD’s at the airbnb.
My favorite kind of night!

The next morning I had one of my favorite simple breakfast’s of baked sweet potato with 2 TBSP of peanut butter (my peanut butter also has sunflower and pumpkin seeds!)
So simple, so delicious, and so filling!

I had already eaten half when I took this photo! 😉

 Then we packed our lunches and snacks and drove another hour or so until we got to the mountain we wanted to hike – The Cobbler!

On the way to our hike!
Beautiful view from the parking lot

This was our second time trying to hike this mountain.
We came up here in January, but got a late start on the hike.
A few hours into the hike we were about halfway up and it was already sunset!
(The sun sets early in the UK during the winter- like 4pm! I still find this mind-blowing)

This time we planned to start early- but we actually ended up starting around the same time. At least this time it was summer, and the sun sets a lot later!

Here we go!


Can you find the hidden heart in this picture?
“Come on, Mom! Keep up!” – KuttaBear

We stopped a little over halfway for a snack break, and enjoyed
fresh mountain water from a stream…

Look at that handsome mountain man!
I love Aldi’s Chocolate Hike bars, paired with a banana! Great fuel to keep me going!
Water straight from the Earth!

Again, we didn’t make it to the top.
For several reasons, including time, the drive back, getting dinner, and not pushing KuttaBear too much- (the last hour is a steep climb!).
But we made it much further than last time!

We were okay with not making it all the way up- because there is always next time!
I was kinda sad though, because I had carried a big rock with me from the bottom of the mountain, and I was planning on putting it on top of the Cobbler to say “I did it!”
(Like Moana in the Disney film does with her rock)

But we hiked back down and were very happy we did it!

We did it!
Exhausted KuttaBear

After the hike, we picked up a takeaway on the route home, and ate it at the airbnb.
We were so hungry!

The next day we were well- rested, and started the journey home.
It was a short trip, but sometimes that’s all you need to take a break from the routine of life, and have a weekend to be with each other, and be thankful for the time together, and with nature.

He’s a proper traveling dog now


Reflections on a Year of Marriage

Yesterday was me and Shanen’s one year aniversary.

It had us doing a lot of reflecting on life, and the incredible ‘wedding week’ we had a year ago, which started out with a blessing ceremony here in the UK; and then a group of family and friends flying across the ocean, to come together in Charleston, South Carolina- my hometown- to celebrate with us as we were united in marriage.

Me and Shanen never do anything traditionally- and we wanted to make our wedding our own; to us, marriage is about complete unity- and we wanted our wedding day to reflect this. Not just unity for me and him, but unity in all of us there- as people came from 3 different countries, and several other different cultures and states; we wanted the whole day to be a representation and celebration that we are all unified and coming together as one, in the spirit of God- and his incredible love.

For that’s what the day truly was. If it was just me and Shanen, the wedding would not have come together.

We had people cooking, decorating, giving us their home and land for the wedding, and rooms for guests; people filming; singing; playing instruments… people photographing, and doing several behind-the-scenes things to get the day ready and in order. The whole entire wedding was all done in the love and unity from our friends and family, and that’s what made this day so special to us.

It was truly the best day of our lives.

It was amazing having friends and family from the UK and Germany actually be in my beloved hometown, meeting my friends from America. My heart had never been so happy as I looked around and saw the mix of faces; especially when Shanen’s family was first meeting mine.

The week honestly was the most stressful week of my life and had many ups and downs. Poor Shanen even got really badly stung by a jellyfish at my favorite beach! But even of all the stress of trying to coordinate airport pick ups, cars, houses, the to-do list, sight seeing, and our wedding day; Even though it came to be the most stressful week I’ve had, it was also the best week of my life, and I would gladly do it all over again in every way! (Except I would tell Shanen not to go swimming on the day he was stung by the jellyfish!)

The week went by too fast, and it was suddenly our wedding day- it was as if this amazing week was all just to lead up to the best day, being the first day of me and Shanen’s new life together as One.


Last night we re-watched the Facebook Live video from that day (We did this so our friends and family overseas or in America that couldn’t be with us could still virtually be with us).

It brought tears to my eyes seeing all my friends and family together again, and even hearing the locus and forest sounds sing around us.

As we remembered the day, and listed to our vows again- I started to reflect on the last year, and how much of an adventure it has been. And how, just like that wedding week, even in the difficult times of this past year, the good times far outweigh the bad, and it has been one of the best years of my life in many ways.

Starting off with the Honeymoon, as we took a road trip back down to Florida to stay one night at Disney, and enjoy the fireworks from our hotel.

Then boarding a cruise ship to the beautiful Bahamas


Coming back to the UK, and taking weekend hiking trips in England- just thankful to be living together as a married couple, and able to simply do the things we love, and finding adventure wherever we can.

Having date nights in, and watching films on the laptop as we enjoy our home cooked curries. (this is probably one of our most frequent date nights).
I’m so thankful to marry a man who loves garlic and onions in food as much as I do! 🙂


I had to return to the states for three weeks in December to re-apply for a visa and wait on a decision. That was an intense three weeks- but I was so happy to see my family again, at my most favorite time of the year; along with taking long walks on the beach in the evenings when I needed to clear my head from the worry of not being approved. Those were bittersweet walks.

I made it home to my love for Christmas Day, and my gift was a trip to Leeds to see Cirque Du Soleil (Something I’ve Dreamed of seeing my whole life).

We spent new years in Scotland, hiking, and enjoying the fireworks in Edinburgh.

In March we flew back to the States to go to Disney World with my Family!
Me and my family are HUGE Disney fans… okay not just fans, but we are obsessed. Moana is my spirit princess. My sister Morgan is Ariel. We each have our own Disney Character we relate to- and I’ve always called Shanen my Aladdin. (Ironically I always said I would marry a man who looked like Aladdin- and he really does!)

We got to see the fireworks once again, reminding us of the Honeymoon- but this time we were actually in the park, and able to fully enjoy them!

Below is my parents in Epcots UK, enjoying a Guiness and standing in front of an English Telephone booth! I was trying to pretend they were in England, but the sunshine makes it unconvincing. 😉

Shanen flew back and I stayed behind to bring the last member of our happy little family back to the UK with us… our beloved KuttaBear! He finally made the big trip across the Atlantic, and we are so happy to have him with us, completing our little family (for now).

(above – me and kuttabear with jetlag in Amsterdam)

This summer we took Kutta on his first hike in Wales…

…and took some family photo at the top of a mountain.

It’s been an amazing year. These pics of course are our highlights, and next weekend we will be taking another trip together – all three of us – to Scotland to celebrate our one year anniversary.
We ended our first year in an amazing way- by celebrating two good friends here in the UK becoming one. As we dressed up to go to a beautiful wedding, it just reminded us even more of the excitement we each had within us a year ago, as we prepared for our own wedding day.


But as good as the wedding day was, and as amazing as our of our adventures so far have been- I wouldn’t want to go back… because life is about living, and I know there is an adventure in every day- even if that adventure is just being us in a normal day. I don’t believe in the good ole days- even tho the past does hold good times and great memories- along with great wisdom. I believe in our future and all it holds- because I believe the best is always yet to come.


Jeremiah 29:11 (God always has a plan, and hope for our future)

Revelations Painting

     There’s a dream I had several weeks ago of being pregnant, and the pains of labor that cried from within me, along with being in a time of fear that surrounded me
(all in the dream).

That morning, I woke very early unable to sleep, and thinking of the dream. Somehow I ended up reading revelations that morning- starting in chapter 12.

     Let me first say, I am no Bible expert, and I don’t usually read the Bible daily. God speaks to me through everything- and the Bible has always been a book used in my life where He has spoken to me, lead me, guided me- a book where I learned about His nature, and where I found spirituality in the words of Jesus. I love my Bible, and it is one of the many ways God speaks directly to my spirit.

     I wanted to say this because I am no Bible scholar on the context in which it is written, nor the meaning of the visions of revelation. I am just writing on my own personal revelation, in hopes that what the Spirit has spoken to me, hoping the full meaning behind the painting will also bless you.


     I read about the vision of the woman and the dragon. The woman was pregnant, and having labor pains- as a red dragon (known as the accuser as it is written later) was waiting to devour the baby.

She gave birth and the child was immediately taken to God, and not the dragon. The woman ran away – into the wilderness, which God had prepared for her to be safe and hidden.

The dragon pursued the woman in anger, and she was given two great wings that allowed her to fly to that safe place in the wilderness that God had made for her.

The dragon tried to drown her with a flood of water that flowed from it’s mouth- but the Earth helped the woman by opening up and swallowing this great flood.

The dragon then declared war against the woman.


     I finished reading there, and as I did I felt the spirit speaking to me of this season and time. I believe there is a deep truth to this vision that means so much more in truth and history- but this is what God spoke to my heart through this story on this particular morning.

     I knew there was a spiritual birth of new things taking place in my life, as well as the lives of many others this year.
This dream I had of pregnancy and labor pains was God showing me that these hard circumstances that have been rising up around me- a lot having to do with knowing my identity and holding on to that truth, finding my voice, and even a few health issues- are all happening at a time where I am also stepping out in new things, in big new things, and truly pursuing what I feel called to do.
Just like the accuser in the story, it has been hitting me stronger than normal, but even with that spirit of accusation, sometimes it just uproots things that bring about much deeper inner healing, where God can truly remove old wounds that have not properly healed from the past. I have found this has been happening to me.

    But through this story, I saw even in this great battle and birth, not only was the child protected but the woman was cared for the entire time, as God had already prepared that safe place to care for her in the wilderness.

     A wilderness is a wild, uncultivated, area. I think it’s interesting, that sometimes this feels like life. A mess; and as we follow the Spirit, sometimes where we end up just looks like a mess… and we doubt- is this where I am suppose to be?

    Yet, this is the place God prepared for this woman, to care for her.

I decided to paint this because it spoke to me so much- and this is what came out…


As I painted the woman I saw her in a tree, and I felt she was completely at rest in this wilderness by resting in that tree of life…


    I let the painting sit for a few weeks, as I knew I would paint over it.. I didn’t like the dragon to be honest, as I felt he was stealing a lot of the focus on what was truly going on.

   The next week I was reading revelations 22, on the tree of life. I believe Jesus is the tree of life – this is just my own personal belief- and I looked back at my painting, seeing the woman resting in that tree of life that I painting, even in a season where she was in the ‘wilderness’.

Last week I decided to revisit the painting, and completely redo it. I wanted the same meaning to flow- but I let go, knowing that something different may come out.

I used my hands with my paints, and everything but the woman, the Lion, and the Lamb, was painted using my hands and fingers. As I painted I followed the flow of the Spirit as I literally would turn the canvas at different angles at different times, and even painting with different emotions as I used my hands- finding a lot of peace and unity in the trinity of the right side of the canvas; yet intensity and passion on the while painting the left side, which ended up looking like a stormy river.


     As I painted I started to see the same interpretation I wanted to portray originally, and begin to press into it. The top left corner showing the thunderous clouds of heaven as they clashed down to the river below. The trinity around the tree of life, like three whirlpools- taking that stormy river and calming the water to flow in unity around the tree of life.

    And there, in the middle of the tree of life, is the woman; safe and protected- resting, but also watching all that is going on around her- not understanding the chaos of it all, but being firmly rooted in the peace she has within. Below her is the lamb, the prince of that peace; the Spirit that dwells within her- her comfort, her foundation, her life.


     In the heavens, being over the storm, and watching over her in the purest of love, is the Lion.



   I am so in love with how this painting has come out, and what it means to me.
I hope it’s interpretation has also blessed you in some way- but also if this painting speaks something completely different to you, that makes me very happy! I love how art can mean so many different things to the ones who see it.

     I would love to hear what it speaks to you.

     The painting is sale, and it’s quite big. (you can see the size in the full photo above, where it takes up my whole sofa).

From now, to August 22nd the painting will be available for auction. If you want to make an offer, we are starting the price at £116, and on August 22nd, it will either go to the highest bidder, or will be available on my etsy shop for £116.

   Thank you all for your love and support in my journey- and I hope this painting blesses every viewer in it’s own unique way, on your own journey of life. ❤


Lots of love, and blessings,




Beach Therapy

My friend Nicci and I planned a beach day for this week, and it was perfect timing. Sometimes you just need a day at the beach to get a little time out of the busy world.

Growing up in Charleston, I really took for granted the beach access I had there. I miss those beach days that started as early as March, and lasted often to mid- October.
But for me, beach time was year round and I often found myself traveling to one of my favorite spots ever winter in South Carolina, to watch the beautiful sunrise.

I love the mountains, and I love the sea, but I will always be a beach girl at heart.

Nicci picked me and Kutta up in the morning and we headed to my favorite beach here called Formby Beach. It’s very rural and reminds me of my favorite beach in Charleston- Folly Beach.

Formby has these beautiful incredible dunes, that are so much fun to explore. Kutta loved them!

Nicci – Queen of the Dunes


The beach is much different from Folly, but that is the beauty of this world- no two places are the same. The ocean is very shallow (when you finally make your way down to the shoreline), and it feels impossible to go very deep because it’s such a gradual decent. But, this doesn’t really matter, because I’m not convinced that the beaches of England are made for swimming- the weather doesn’t allow it.

However… my spirit could not go to the beach without going in the water. Even if it was freezing.

…and the good news is, although the forecast said rain- the sun came out when we were there!

But the clouds came again and it just got too cold for a bikini top.
We spent the rest of the day walking and exploring, as Nicci picked up driftwood and I played fetch with KuttaBear.

We ended our day with a picnic lunch in the forest before making our way home. I had packed my usual salad, although it was too big to fit in one container, so I had to split it. Nicci shared her yummy chocolate with me as well!


While walking in the forest I said to Nicci- “I would love to see a red squirrel. I have never seen one before…” ; literally 2 minutes after saying this, Nicci heard a child mention seeing one, so we rushed over to where they were looking- and sure enough, there sitting in a little bird feeder was a cute little red squirrel!
By the end of the day I had seen 3!

I love the beach… it always brings me so much joy and ends my day with a lot of peace.

Our Adventure in France

Last Sunday, Shanen, Sophie (my sis in law) and I flew to France to help their dad with renovations on his house there.
This was our first time leaving KuttaBear since he arrived in the UK. But thankfully he had a wonderful, stay in caretaker come look after him!

Just look at those sad eyes he was giving us as we left…

We flew out of Manchester and into Limoges airport, where their dad picked us up and we headed to his house about 40 minutes away.

It was surprisingly sunny when we left England, making me very excited for going to France and enjoying some warmer weather- but unfortunately most of our week there was quite gloomy!

Also, as we were rushing to our gate at the Manchester airport, I realized I FORGOT MY VISA!! (Something I need to get back into England!)
Luckily, my amazing mother in law was able to go to our flat, find it, and overnight it to me while I was in France!

Our first day there we started with renovations, like removing the ceiling in the front room where Shanen and I were staying. This exposed the wood beams underneath to give the roof that beautiful farmhouse look again. Shanen and his dad did the removing, as me and Sophie broke up the roof into small pieces to feed them to the fire in the kitchen. We ‘set the roof on fire’… literally.

While they were removing the roof, Shanen discovered an old key! Me and Sophie when upstairs and found a hole in the floorboard where someone must have hidden the key. I still wonder what door this unlocks… hidden treasure???

After the roof was removed I went in with a broom to sweep away all the dirt and cobwebs that had formed over the years, and Sophie and Shanen finished up with cleaning the floors and moping up all the dust.
That night I made a nice big vegan curry for us all to enjoy after the hard work!

Oh! And check out this little gem that was discovered as we cleared out that room… An original Disney Land Captain EO visor! (For all the Disney Nerds like myself out there, you know how exiting that moment was for me!)

The rest of the days we all took our parts in things like cleaning, sanding/painting shutters, cooking, taking family trips to the shops, and making this old house into a home bit by bit. Another one of my favorite parts of the week was starting each day off with a big family breakfast together.

My Favorite Kind of Breakfast

Another one of my favorite things of the week was being able to take a break relaxing in the hammock, enjoying the fresh air and listening to the birds.

Right down the road from their house was a little field with some very friendly sheep! I so enjoyed running up to the gate and having them all run to meet me. One day we all went down there with some break and carrots to feed them… we brought celery too, but they didn’t prefer it.

One afternoon Shanen and I went for a little walk and found a path through a corn field. This path then lead to a beautiful wheat field, where we decided to lay, talk, and then take a romantic photo- it was just so lovely!

On our last day (Saturday), the sun finally came out!
We woke up early and went to a big French market about 40 minutes away. This market was held on the 29th of each month, and since we were flying home that evening, we were luckily able to go!

Don’t worry mom… I didn’t bring him home. But I wanted to

I love loose leaf tea!

We came home and fixed a massive lunch feast! Then I ran back outside to enjoy a bit of sunbathing before flying back to England.

Yes, BOTH of those bottom plates are mine. lol

It was finally time to head back to the airport. I was so thankful to have both my passport and visa in hand as I realized they would have not even let me board the plane without it! Both our flights were delayed, and we didn’t get home til nearly midnight (1 am France time, so we were super tired! Especially after such a long day at the market).

Hello England

We were so excited to see this little fuzzy bear when we got home! He even left us a handwritten note to tell us about his amazing week with Josh!
(thanks Josh for writing that for him 😉 )


He made sure to get all his toys out for us to see.. lol


This painting has always been a favorite of mine, and many others.

We’ve kept it having in our loung above Shanen’s computer for the past year, but last week I looked at it and said “I think it’s time to sell that painting”…

That weekend, some friends dropped me off at home and wanted to see me and Shanen’s little flat-

When they saw the painting, they said “if you ever decide to sell it, please let us know.”

So this week, it’s being relocated to its new home. Funny enough, it was the same home in which I painted it! (For I was house sitting for them).

So I wanted to honor the painting as I say goodbye; knowing its going somewhere it will be greatly loved.

Along with this post I wanted to include the poem I wrote to describe the meaning behind the painting…


Written on our hearts
Seen in our dreams.
Just as the caterpillar dreams of flying-
Reaching far more places than it’s legs could ever go…
It doesn’t stop living-
and doesn’t stop dreaming.
Knowing one day, as impossible as it looks in it’s current situation-
It will fly.

Holding onto Hope.
Knowing there is more than what is seen.
The winds change-
As the caterpillar enters an unknown season
Bringing darkness and fog-
Wondering if this is the end…

Never loosing faith.
In this season of so much unknown,
Light begins to break through.
And as the caterpillar emerges-
Out of the darkness and into the light,
It finds everything it knew itself to be-
As transformation has brought it’s dream to life.

The old is gone, and new has come
Now the dream of what once was inside
Lay visible for the world to see.
It spreads is wings,
Taking a leap of faith-
Bringing beauty to the sky-

It flies.